Do good men really exist and where are all the good fathers?

In a Newsweek column entitled Dear Dads: Save Your Sons by Christopher Bacorn, it highlights the struggles of a single mother with her teenage son and the problems arising from sons with absentee fathers. He writes: I have come to believe that most adolescent boys can’t make use of professional counseling. What a boy can use, and all too often doesn’t have, is the fellowship of men-at least one man who pays attention to him, who spends time with him, who admires him. A boy needs a man he can look up to. What he doesn’t need is a shrink.

That episode, and others like it, set me thinking about children and their fathers. As a nation, we are racked by youth violence, overrun by gangs, guns and drugs. The great majority of youthful offenders are male, most without fathers involved in their lives in any useful way. Many have never even met their fathers.

What’s become of the fathers of these boys? Where are they? Well, I can tell you where they’re not. They’re not at PTA meetings or piano recitals. They’re not teaching Sunday school. You won’t find them in the pediatrician’s office, holding a sick child. You won’t even see them in juvenile court, standing next to Junior as he awaits sentencing for burglary or assault. You might see a few of them in the supermarket, but not many.

Men tend to get a bashing when it comes to cheating on women and fathering many children but not living up to the expectations and duties of a father. Not sticking around to raise their children, especially, their sons. But let’s put the brakes on and take thought for those men who want to be fathers to their children, however, the women won’t let them.  Not all men are bad! There are some really good men out there. There are those men who know the value of being a good father, responsible and role model to their children. Men who want to do right by raising their children as respectable, well looked after individuals in society,

BUT……. There are those women who will not allow them to do so because of personal insecurities, hurt from previous or current relationships, as a means of being spiteful for one reason or another and even at times just to be in control.  My heart goes out to these men. No matter what a woman’s insecurities may be, children need their fathers. Yes there are always exceptions and each individual case has its positives and negatives but missing/absent fathers is a major part of what is wrong in society today. Girls need that fatherly instruction and love while boys need the nurturing of a father to teach them how to grow from a boy to a man.

Yes single mothers do a great job but let’s be real, a woman can never teach a boy all the things a boy should know from a boy’s perspective. There are just some things that boys/men experience that will never be experienced by a woman and therefore she will not be able to teach or empathise. Just how boys learn to love a woman through the love of their mothers, so girls should be taught to love a man through the love of her father. As a child learns the nurturing qualities from the mother, so too should they learn from a father practical lessons, as well as, the lessons of leadership, protection, and provision expected of manhood.

father and childrenGood men are all around.  Being a good man does not mean perfect.  It does not mean he does not have faults and cannot or will not make mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes at some point in life.  It is what you do about the mistakes and how you deal with them that defines a good man. We need to start acknowledging and appreciating the good fathers out there.

Women need to let go of pride and anger and allow those men who want to be good fathers to their children to do the job that God created them to do. Don’t let your disagreements or fallouts prevent your child from having a meaningful relationship with their fathers. Truth be known, if a father is no good the child will learn without the mother pointing it out. They will learn by the fathers’ actions. Maybe if we start praising and showing off the positives it will draw enough attention that men will be inspired and desire to be counted as a good man and a present and valued father.

Denise Christie


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